Achtung
The Hurricane
Posted by standingstill
at 07:55 PM on January 23, 2009
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comments (1)
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Jealousy is a funny thing. It comes and goes like the wind, occasionally disappearing for a short while, though never for too long, but almost always simply dying down to a small breeze. Such a comparison to jealousy is highly appropriate, I think, for jealousy operates in much the same way. It is almost always there; human nature ensures that this is so. Sometimes, it exists more prominently in the minds and thoughts of a person, while sometimes it fades into the background; it is still there, though our human minds pass over it, never recognizing its existence. That is, however, until it begins to show through in our thoughts again, just as the gentle breeze picks up and transforms itself into a howling gust of wind, only to die down again at a later time.
It is my recent observation that this behaviour of the jealous thought, whereupon it comes out of near-hiding and features itself more prominently in our minds, seems to occur at the worst possible times in our lives. At least, that is how I have seen jealousy operate in very recent times; what it was like before, I cannot say, for my memory of the circumstances surrounding its onset are vague at best?and to be completely honest, I do not bear much desire to remember those times. However, it might be a safe guess to assume that in past times, the feeling of jealousy appeared in much the same way is it is now; hiding in the background, slowly seeping forward and growing until it becomes a gust, a hurricane.
It is an interesting thing to note that hurricanes, though severe by nature and highly dangerous at best, contain within them an ?eye?. Scientifically speaking, this ?eye of the storm? refers to the area of calm serenity found in the very middle of a raging hurricane, surrounded by high winds, rain, and more of Mother Nature?s harshest conditions. Whereas scientists are probably concerned with the temperature and pressure of this region, as well as its diameter and perhaps its circumference, I have no interest in these features. I see a circle of calm amidst a violent storm and I imagine the poetic nature of it. It is my belief that this poetic nature does, in fact, lend itself to the human feeling of jealousy I have been discussing.
Jealousy, if it exists in the mind of an emotionally-weak person, can become overbearing and eventually seep its way into every one of that person?s thoughts and actions. This growth goes unno-ticed in the general population; we are, after all, only human, and as such we lack any real ability to diagnose ourselves with emotional issues. Despite this trend, there are some who recognize such a change when it is happening, before it is complete. For the time being, I am one of those people. I have seen the jealousy begin its slow entrance into every facet of my life. This was somewhat of a revelation, and it spawned the writing of this passage.
Jealousy?s invasion of our minds is not abrupt, nor is it immediately noticeable. The attribute which, only a few hours ago, prompted me to finally recognize my jealousy was the increasing difficulty to concentrate on any task. This has only begun occurring, of course, well into the cycle, and was preceded by thoughts, actions, and feelings I am only beginning to distinguish due to the extreme power of hindsight. One such action is the extensive occurrence of apologetic phrases. At first, it is hard to see the connection between increased apologies and growing feelings of jealousy. However, I believe that when we begin to feel jealous, we are either consciously or subconsciously aware of the fact that it is not a positive thought, and that we should not think about it (if it has not dawned on you by this point, the jealousy I have been speaking of is the kind where we recognize that it is irrational and inconceivable, but still pay strong attention to it). Because we are aware of the irrationality of such thoughts, whenever one crosses our mind and influences an action, however slightly, we feel the need to apologize for thinking it, regardless of whether the person we are apologizing to is aware of our jealousy or the influence it had on our action.
The irrationality of feeling this particular type of jealousy is astounding, and was the reason behind the opening statement I chose for this passage. It is perplexing; we are aware that it is highly improbable that whatever we are jealous of will or can happen, and yet we still listen to it. We still let it have influence over our lives. We still let it bring us down, cause us to worry. I, for one, can truthfully state that when the potential situations brought on by jealousy run through my head, my heart doubles its pace and I get short of breath. This is when the difficulty in concentrating begins. We let jealousy cloud all our thoughts, leaving no room for any other. We let it consume us. Or, at the very least, I do.
Even so, there is a point to be made here, concerning that ?eye? I wrote of earlier. It is a sort of solution, or at least, a conscious escape from the overwhelming feelings of jealousy we may let our-selves be consumed by. At the times when we are letting our minds be clouded by jealousy, we exist in the raging storm surrounding the eye. Torrential winds of emotion torment us, visions of a world ripped apart eat away at our souls and minds. It is extremely difficult to escape once we enter the storm, but it can be done; if we do not, we fall into a cycle, always spinning around and around, never stopping until the storm subsides on its own, though by then there is an almost-irrevocable amount of damage. To break the cycle, we must get out of the wind. We could go on the outside of the storm, and just ignore everything we are feeling; suppress it, and retreat far away into some other corner of our mind, never really accepting the problem, and allowing it to leave a path of destruction. However, there is another way to escape the storm, and that is by retreating inside it?retreating into the ?eye?. This is the only solution that will fix the problem and ensure that we do not destroy ourselves in the process.
Getting to the eye is not an easy task. It requires willpower and the desire to fix a problem, not just escape from it. The process itself differs from person to person, and as such, I cannot say exactly what emotional processes must be undertaken. However, I can say that to get to the eye, we must first recognize that it is there. Feelings of jealousy?at least the type I have been speaking of?are often the result of a positive feeling or emotion we might have. In my own case, it is unconditional love that has spawned my jealousy, because I cannot bear the thought of not receiving that love in return. For someone else, the reason will likely be different, and each individual must recognize the positive emotion at the heart of every jealousy.
Once recognized, we must grasp onto that positive emotion. We must fully realize that the jealousy we are feeling is, at best, irrational, and the situations it spurs in our minds are improbable or, even more likely, impossible. With that realization, the winds of jealousy have already started to die down slightly, allowing us to make our way out of the storm, retreating to the safe and positive place at its core. Once in the centre, it is much easier to see the true shape of our jealousy, to recognize its true form and see it for what it really is?a vicious, needless cycle of destruction. We have reached an inner peace.
The next chain of events occurs naturally, though perhaps quicker depending on our level of peace and positivism achieved in the eye. The hurricane will die down and, as it does, we can pick up the shattered pieces it has left behind and mend them. We can fix the damage it has caused, even while it is still dying down. Therefore, once it has dissipated back into a soft breeze, the path to complete restoration is easier and quicker.
Jealousy is a funny thing. It comes, and it goes. It is a hurricane, and then it is a breeze. And all the while, we are the ones in control. That, my friends, is the most important thing to remember. There is only one person controlling the weather in your head, and that is you. Believe it or not, Mother Nature wields no power in the climate of your emotions.
It is my recent observation that this behaviour of the jealous thought, whereupon it comes out of near-hiding and features itself more prominently in our minds, seems to occur at the worst possible times in our lives. At least, that is how I have seen jealousy operate in very recent times; what it was like before, I cannot say, for my memory of the circumstances surrounding its onset are vague at best?and to be completely honest, I do not bear much desire to remember those times. However, it might be a safe guess to assume that in past times, the feeling of jealousy appeared in much the same way is it is now; hiding in the background, slowly seeping forward and growing until it becomes a gust, a hurricane.
It is an interesting thing to note that hurricanes, though severe by nature and highly dangerous at best, contain within them an ?eye?. Scientifically speaking, this ?eye of the storm? refers to the area of calm serenity found in the very middle of a raging hurricane, surrounded by high winds, rain, and more of Mother Nature?s harshest conditions. Whereas scientists are probably concerned with the temperature and pressure of this region, as well as its diameter and perhaps its circumference, I have no interest in these features. I see a circle of calm amidst a violent storm and I imagine the poetic nature of it. It is my belief that this poetic nature does, in fact, lend itself to the human feeling of jealousy I have been discussing.
Jealousy, if it exists in the mind of an emotionally-weak person, can become overbearing and eventually seep its way into every one of that person?s thoughts and actions. This growth goes unno-ticed in the general population; we are, after all, only human, and as such we lack any real ability to diagnose ourselves with emotional issues. Despite this trend, there are some who recognize such a change when it is happening, before it is complete. For the time being, I am one of those people. I have seen the jealousy begin its slow entrance into every facet of my life. This was somewhat of a revelation, and it spawned the writing of this passage.
Jealousy?s invasion of our minds is not abrupt, nor is it immediately noticeable. The attribute which, only a few hours ago, prompted me to finally recognize my jealousy was the increasing difficulty to concentrate on any task. This has only begun occurring, of course, well into the cycle, and was preceded by thoughts, actions, and feelings I am only beginning to distinguish due to the extreme power of hindsight. One such action is the extensive occurrence of apologetic phrases. At first, it is hard to see the connection between increased apologies and growing feelings of jealousy. However, I believe that when we begin to feel jealous, we are either consciously or subconsciously aware of the fact that it is not a positive thought, and that we should not think about it (if it has not dawned on you by this point, the jealousy I have been speaking of is the kind where we recognize that it is irrational and inconceivable, but still pay strong attention to it). Because we are aware of the irrationality of such thoughts, whenever one crosses our mind and influences an action, however slightly, we feel the need to apologize for thinking it, regardless of whether the person we are apologizing to is aware of our jealousy or the influence it had on our action.
The irrationality of feeling this particular type of jealousy is astounding, and was the reason behind the opening statement I chose for this passage. It is perplexing; we are aware that it is highly improbable that whatever we are jealous of will or can happen, and yet we still listen to it. We still let it have influence over our lives. We still let it bring us down, cause us to worry. I, for one, can truthfully state that when the potential situations brought on by jealousy run through my head, my heart doubles its pace and I get short of breath. This is when the difficulty in concentrating begins. We let jealousy cloud all our thoughts, leaving no room for any other. We let it consume us. Or, at the very least, I do.
Even so, there is a point to be made here, concerning that ?eye? I wrote of earlier. It is a sort of solution, or at least, a conscious escape from the overwhelming feelings of jealousy we may let our-selves be consumed by. At the times when we are letting our minds be clouded by jealousy, we exist in the raging storm surrounding the eye. Torrential winds of emotion torment us, visions of a world ripped apart eat away at our souls and minds. It is extremely difficult to escape once we enter the storm, but it can be done; if we do not, we fall into a cycle, always spinning around and around, never stopping until the storm subsides on its own, though by then there is an almost-irrevocable amount of damage. To break the cycle, we must get out of the wind. We could go on the outside of the storm, and just ignore everything we are feeling; suppress it, and retreat far away into some other corner of our mind, never really accepting the problem, and allowing it to leave a path of destruction. However, there is another way to escape the storm, and that is by retreating inside it?retreating into the ?eye?. This is the only solution that will fix the problem and ensure that we do not destroy ourselves in the process.
Getting to the eye is not an easy task. It requires willpower and the desire to fix a problem, not just escape from it. The process itself differs from person to person, and as such, I cannot say exactly what emotional processes must be undertaken. However, I can say that to get to the eye, we must first recognize that it is there. Feelings of jealousy?at least the type I have been speaking of?are often the result of a positive feeling or emotion we might have. In my own case, it is unconditional love that has spawned my jealousy, because I cannot bear the thought of not receiving that love in return. For someone else, the reason will likely be different, and each individual must recognize the positive emotion at the heart of every jealousy.
Once recognized, we must grasp onto that positive emotion. We must fully realize that the jealousy we are feeling is, at best, irrational, and the situations it spurs in our minds are improbable or, even more likely, impossible. With that realization, the winds of jealousy have already started to die down slightly, allowing us to make our way out of the storm, retreating to the safe and positive place at its core. Once in the centre, it is much easier to see the true shape of our jealousy, to recognize its true form and see it for what it really is?a vicious, needless cycle of destruction. We have reached an inner peace.
The next chain of events occurs naturally, though perhaps quicker depending on our level of peace and positivism achieved in the eye. The hurricane will die down and, as it does, we can pick up the shattered pieces it has left behind and mend them. We can fix the damage it has caused, even while it is still dying down. Therefore, once it has dissipated back into a soft breeze, the path to complete restoration is easier and quicker.
Jealousy is a funny thing. It comes, and it goes. It is a hurricane, and then it is a breeze. And all the while, we are the ones in control. That, my friends, is the most important thing to remember. There is only one person controlling the weather in your head, and that is you. Believe it or not, Mother Nature wields no power in the climate of your emotions.
Help:
As you may or may not have noticed, most of the titles on this site are song titles or album titles, or have been adopted from one or the other. I know it can be hard to navigate through the site without knowing what page each title in the sidebar leads to, so I will help you out and translate...
Achtung: My blog, where I post all the things I write for this site
Promenade: Members page, where you can register as a member or see existing members
Echoes: Guestbook, where you can leave a comment (you do not have to be a member)
At this time, I will not tell you what song, album, or artist any of these titles have come from, nor will I tell you why I have chosen them for each section. I'll leave it up to you to come up with your own interpretation of the titles.
P.S. the site title, Standing Still, was adapted from a song title as well.
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